自从知道自己研究的方向是仙英座的X Persei星后，越发觉得生活虚无起来。电脑也发烧起来，后来将尼采和陀思妥耶夫斯基压在下面散热才恢复正常。尼采说：我恨一切以诵读为消遣的人。我说对啊对啊我也恨。可后来一想，何苦呢？实在不爽就不要将自己写的东西发表出来嘛。鲁迅说，既然写了，就不怕发表。所以不发表的话总有点没种？卡夫卡要烧掉自己的东西，他说是时代借他的手书写，他也许真不大喜欢自己的时代吧。
每次听到老年痴呆症后分不清白天黑夜的姥姥胡扯着自己编造的历史和人物时，总有种想法，也许只有她能看见真实的世界。去汕头时见到了文革时候疯了的二姨，更是从她眼里的恐惧感受到所谓现实的荒谬。
喜欢冼星海的一首歌中的歌词：“顶硬上啊鬼叫你穷啊”；也为此喜欢许冠杰《半斤八两》风格的市井小调。在科学院拿着纳税人的钱作工资，作为朴实的劳动人民中的一员，是不应该为形而上学烦恼的，社会就是再操蛋也得老老实实开心过日子。所以美帝国主义中的劳动人民喜欢HIP HOP。无奈HIP HOP也越来越浮夸花哨啦，现在50 CENT的MV除了肉女就是洋房靓车。到了中国？就只剩青春期的浮夸花哨啦。
心情不好时翻到了Jay Z的老歌Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)，听着一群小朋友欢快地唱着“操蛋的生活”，心情马上舒畅啦，还真怀念90年代的HIP HOP啊。Jay Z后来的其他歌，却也财大气粗为主了，但有些还是很不错的，比如99 PROBLEMS。I HAVE 99 PROBLEMS BUT THE BITCH AIN‘T ONE。
大家还是来听听他的Hard Knock Life吧：
http://www.vvpo.com/baidu/211757.htm
Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) Lyrics
Check the bassline out, uh-huh
Jigga (bounce wit it), uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh, yeahh
Let it bump though
["Annie" sample]
It's the hard knock life (uh-huh) for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!!
Steada Treated,we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life!!
[Jay-Z]
From standin on the corners boppin
to drivin some of the hottest cars New York has ever seen
For droppin some of the hottest verses rap has ever heard
From the dope spot, with the smoke Glock
fleein the murder scene, you know me well
from nightmares of a lonely cell, my only hell
But since when y'all niggaz know me to fail? Fuck naw
Where all my niggaz with the rubber grips, bust shots
And if you with me mom I rub on your tits, and what-not
I'm from the school of the hard knocks, we must not
let outsiders violate our blocks, and my plot
let's stick up the world and split it fifty/fifty, uh-huh
Let's take the dough and stay real jiggy, uh-huh
And sip the Cris' and get pissy-pissy
Flow infinitely like the memory of my nigga Biggie, baby!
You know it's hell when I come through
The life and times of Shawn Carter
nigga Volume 2, y'all niggaz get ready
["Annie" sample]
It's the hard knock life, for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!!
Steada treated, we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life!!
[Jay-Z]
I flow for those 'dro'ed out; all my niggaz
locked down in the ten by fo', controllin the house
We live in hard knocks, we don't take over we borrow blocks
Burn em down and you can have it back daddy, I'd rather that
I flow for chicks wishin, they ain't have to strip to pay tuition
I see you vision mama, I put my money on the longshots
All my ballers that's born to clock
No woman be on top whether I perform or not
I went from lukewarm to hot; sleepin on futons and cots
to King Size, dream machines, the green fives
I've seen pies let the thing between my eyes analyze life's ills
Then I put it down type braile
I'm tight grill with the phony, rappers y'all might feel we homies
I'm like still, y'all don't know me, shit!
I'm tight grill when my situation ain't improvin
I'm tryin to murder everything movin, feel me?!
["Annie" sample]
It's the hard knock life, for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!!
Steada treated,we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life, for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!!
Steada treated , we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life!!
[Jay-Z]
I don't KNOW how to sleep, I gotta eat, stay on my toes
Gotta a lot of beef, so logically, I prey on my foes
Hustling's still inside of me, and as far as progress
you'd be hard-pressed, to find another rapper hot as me
I gave you prophecy on my first joint, and y'all lamed out
Didn't really appreciate it, til the second one came out
So I stretched the game out, X'ed your name out
Put Jigga on top, and drop albums non-stop for ya, nigguh!
["Annie" sample]
It's the hard knock life, for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!!
Steada treated, we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life, for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!!
Steada treated, we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life!!
.. It's the hard knock life!!
以示来过~~ 
